Tybalt x Mercutio...wait what?

Tybalt and Mercutio: A love story

Author's warning!!!!!
THIS FIC IS PURE, UNADULTERATED CRACK!!! PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY!!!
MY FRIEND AND I HEARD ABOUT THIS DELIGHTFULLY TWISTED PAIRING AND JUST COULDN'T RESIST WRITING A CRACKFIC FOR IT!!! Oh, and Mr. Shakespeare sir? Please don't rise from the grave and hunt us down, that would make us sad......ENJOY!
Love: Scirius14

Tybalt closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of soft lips pressing against his own and the warmth of the person in his arms. He admitted to himself that he consumed more than a little wine, which would explain why the person that he was currently kissing passionately was another man. He couldn't see the others face though, for they were both still  wearing their party masks.
Tybalt pulled the other closer and whispered huskily in his ear, "Take off your mask." the other male smiled,  "Take of yours first." Tybalt smiled back, "Fine then, at the same time." Both men stepped back a little and simultaneously pulled off their masks, the moment they did though.....
Tybalt leapt back in sudden disgust, "You!" he spat, for standing before him was Mercutio, kin to the prince and dear friend of his enemy, Romeo. Mercutio wrinkled his nose, " I could say the same to you, oaf!".  "You'll pay for this insult!" Tybalt hissed angrily, Mercutio glared back at him, "You think I did this on purpose!? Ugh! I was as unaware as you! I wouldn't have gone near you had I known your identity!" He growled. Tybalt scoffed "A likely tale, I would expect nothing more from the bosom friend of that villain Romeo!" he glared him as a whole new horrid thought wound its way though his mind, "If you dare to breath a word of this to anyone I'll have your head on a platter!"Mercutio's eyes widened "You think me a fool?! Were it to be heard by so much as a church mouse that-" he looked around to make sure no one was close enough to hear, "-that I kissed a rat catcher such as you I'll be ruined!" Tybalt's eye twitched, that joke was getting quite old. He was brought back to the present when the other man pointed a threatening finger at him, "If you ever breath a word of this I'll have more that your head on a platter you Prince of Cats!"At this, Tybalt could not help but say "That bit of wit hath been uttered so often it doth loose it's sting!" Mercutio whipped back around and bit his thumb at the other man before disappearing into the crowd. Tybalt's mind buzzed with an unpleasant mixture of the wine and what had just transpired, "Can this cursed night become any worse?!" he thought sullenly, before turning and spotting a familiar Montague across the room, ". . . yes," he thought bitterly "it seems it can."

The next Morning Tybalt awoke with a splitting headache and a fowl mood. He was currently infuriated with two people, that bastard Mercutio and that vile Romeo, the very thought that that, Montague had dared to appear at his family's party made his blood boil. He quickly got dressed and buckled on his sword, he walked into town fully intending to end that Rodent, Romeo Montague.
He was already dangerously wrathful when he stumbled upon that fool Mercutio, and the idiots taunts only served to enrage him further, he was barely even conscious of his actions as he drew his sword and began to fight him.
As the two of them clashed his anger only grew and grew, the terrifying rage brought on by a combination of Mercutio's insults and the confusion in his own mind, for he couldn't help it, his thoughts kept returning to the previous night and how good Tybalt had felt with Mercutio in his arms. Tybalt growled angrily and drove those thoughts from his mind, he would not allow himself to fall in love with this joke of a man, why, he was practically a Montague! He increased the ferocity of his attacks. And then out of God-only-knows-where that Montague popped up. Spouting off things about not fighting and some other nonsense that only further enraged the Capulet. His rage boiled and his sword seemed to move of it's own accord as it blindly sliced the air beneath Romeo's arm hitting Mercutio in the process. Tybalt's mind rebelled against the rage finally forcing him to retreat from the scene to find his sanity again. In the dark recesses of the alley he had ducked down his mind at last started to clear, and his rage-powered actions came flooding back to him now bringing with them a new feeling, worry. Had he wounded Mercutio? Surely he had but was it enough to be arrested for? And much more importantly, would his gentle Mercutio ever- "Now wait just a moment, 'My Mercutio'?" Tybalt thought to himself, he shook his head and started to run back the way he had come, arriving at the square just as the Montague was emerging form a building to the right. As soon as he saw him the expression of horror he had worn not five seconds before was replaced by one of pure hatred. "Brave Mercutio lies dead by your hand Tybalt! And by the end of this hour one of us will join him!"
            Tybalt's mind shut down a single word remaining lodged in his brain, "Dead. . .dead. . .dead?" his heart sank down to the dirty street breaking into a thousand shards as he stared at the Montague who's sword was drawn ready for the fight. "Mercutio is dead."
Romeo may have said more but Tybalt did not hear it, his mind was too full of horror and heartbreak, he had killed him. Tybalt could no longer deny the feelings he had for Merutio, feelings of love that would now lead to nothing but blackness. He fought the vengeful Montague listlessly, he no longer wished to live he briefly caught Romeo something that Romeo had called out about one of their souls joining Mercutio's Tybalt actually hoped it would be his.
Tybalt's wish was granted when he felt Montague's sword cut into him, as he fell he couldn't help but thank Romeo in his heart for allowing him to escape.
As Tybalt's soul left its body he fully expected to be dragged down to Hell, but instead he felt two hands grasp his own and pull him upward, he smiled when he saw his savior's face, "Mercutio.." he whispered as he ascended to heaven.


P.S.
Approximately Two days later:
Romeo looked around at the blank expanse of white around him, ". . . .Ok, now where am I again?" and, though he expected no reply, a voice spoke from his side, "Heaven. . .I think?" Romeo looked down, "JULIET!" he hugged his love "If you're here then I don't care where we are!" Juliet smiled and hugged him back, before opening her eyes just as quickly. "Do you hear something?" Romeo perked his ears up and , lo and behold, he heard from a distance "ROMEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Romeo's eyes widened, "Oh dear Go-" WHUMP! "-OOF!" Romeo was knocked off his feet as Mercutio barreled into him, "OHMYGODI'MSOGLADYOU'REHEREBUDDY!!!!!!" Romeo gasped "Mercutio! I can feel my ribs cracking" Mercutio grinned like a mad-man "Stupid! You don't need those here!" A hand descended upon the back of Mercutio's tunic and pulled him off the struggling Romeo. Romeo stumbled to his feet as he noticed that the hand belonged to none other than Tybalt, "Why Tybalt! What are you doing-" Romeo's eyes suddenly happened upon the entwined hands of the two men, ". . . oh. . . .my. . . .GOD!" Romeo clasped his hands to the sides of his head, "THE IMAGES!!!!"  Juliet shook her head " Well I'm happy for you! It's nice to see that my cousin finally got some action!" Meanwhile, off to the side, Romeo's cry of horror and anguish sounded, "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!. NOT. HELPING. DEAR!" Juliet smiled, "Ignore him boys." she said as another figure appeared at Romeo's side, Paris smirked triumphantly "Yeah, I could have warned you about that but I didn't! That's what you get for killing me bitch!" another smirk "You should feel lucky that you didn't come up here when I did, they weren't just holding hands then." "Oh FUCK YOU PARIS!" Paris laughed evilly, "I'll tell you the details if you-" but his sentence was cut short as Romeo tackled him. Juliet sighed, "Oh well . .. Boys will be boys."
Author's Note:

Well then, now that we've thoroughly BROKEN your minds we will bring this disturbing piece to an end. Also, we feel a tad guilty for making poor Mr. Shakespeare spin in his grave so fast that he could propel a small aircraft into the stratosphere. And so, we bid you adieu!


With love and copious amounts of satanic laughter,
Scirius14  
            &
                 Trekkie-By-Birth